Mystery in the Shadows

  April first, All Fools Day,  An auspicious way to meet one's oncologist.   We meet today to discuss the results of two X-ray's and a CT scan earlier this year.  My family doctor was concerned enough to inform my oncologist.  Now my oncologist is concerned too, for there is a shadow in my lung that shouldn't be there.

  In the oncologists office I am examined,  and all my vitals are normal,  no fever, no cough, and certainly no vestiges of pneumonia from three months prior.   I feel fine, save for an aggravated left tibia: shin splints.  But no, that's not the problem.   My oncologist was concerned about the shadow on my X-ray.  And now, so am I.

  We don't know if it's Cancer or an infection.  The unknown shadow will be viewed by a CT scan I'm to have two weeks from now.  However it was the CEA results from my blood work that I found troubling:  they're increasing, slowly, but steadily.

 Last May my CEA numbers hovered around 1.  Now they're around 3.  These numbers can increase significantly if I was a smoker.  I've never smoked in my life, so this begs the question:  why is it increasing?  Another CT and more blood work  will begin the investigation, but what will be the results?

 So there's a mystery in the shadows, and the possible answers are troubling.  I would leave this appointment preoccupied with the implications of what I had learned this afternoon.   As I was handed the card for my next appointment, I commented to the nurse that this would be an opportune time to say "April Fools".  She obliged my weak comment with a smile, making me feel somewhat better.

 For the first time in a long time I left the Cancer Clinic with less confidence than when I entered.  Cancer can still reach out to hit me, and not always physically.  Attitude is not only confidence -real or imagined - but being willing to yield when necessary, to adjust  attitudes, and just as importantly,  my outlook on life.