Two weeks ago I took the first step in resuming my former life by returning to work. On March 31st 2010, I was diagnosed with Cancer. On March 21st 2011 I was once more seated at my desk. There were no epiphanies, no cosmic revelations, just another day, the way life is mostly. In honour of my return there were several boxes of sugar-and-doughy goodness (thanks Doug!); as well a friend had brought home-made cupcakes (thanks Pam!). That was the good part. The bad part was I couldn't eat any of it! I had resolved to stop eating sugary desserts and snacks (cookies, doughnuts, cupcakes, cakes, pies, danishes, ice cream...sigh) It seemed like such a good idea after Shrove Tuesday, aka Panzki Day. I want to keep my weight around the 180lb level. Indeed after a few days the cravings for sweets was gone, just need to break the late-night snacking habit.
Mundane minutia of my noshing endeavours aside, my first day back at work was not too stressful. I managed to successfully change my email Out-Of-Office notification (at one point I had it set so I would return in the year 2104...). I even remembered most of my passwords, no small feat when you consider that I have a LOT of passwords working as an IT System Administrator. With all that frenetic activity you would think a nap would be required when I got home. It was, and I did. Well tomorrow I could sleep in. Small luxuries should not be ignored, else they lose their wonder and enjoyment.
In the weeks since my treatment ended, I wondered how I would fare when I returned to the workplace. I was cautioned to watch my stress level, make sure that I did not overdo things. My abridged schedule saw me at work three days a week: Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I get to sleep in the other two days. Only no one told me of the nasty little drawback of this plan: By being off every alternate day, my resumption of work always feels like a Monday. Too cruel, having three Monday mornings a week!
Work is 'the same but different'. My coworkers are happy to see me, and while I am pleased at what my returning signifies, I feel daunted by the challenge of all that awaits me. The brain is foggy, and I am dismayed at the loss of knowledge I once had. There is the feeling that I am starting over, and in a sense I am in a new job. The so-called "new normal" was once more in effect; having to change the familiarity of one pattern of living with another.
I guess one thing I learned from my ordeal is that beating Cancer is not the defining moment of my life. I can look back at what I have accomplished with some pride and a feeling of smug satisfaction; I did good, but if I look forward, I can do better.
Finally my involvement with the medical community will go on for some time. There will be blood tests every three months for three years. I still have my Port inside me, so there's the monthly Port Flush to look forward to. And in two weeks I am looking forward to my next colonscopy! Well not really, but this time I am not afraid, and living life without fear is not a bad thing.
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