On Friday, May 14, 2010 I received my first chemotherapy treatment. Two years to the day sees me in a routine follow-up with my Oncologist. A couple of months prior to this visit I had a CT scan. Today I would hear that the CT was clean, no evidence of liver problems, no evidence of my cancer.
When I first learned of my illness I told my manager that he should find a new System Administrator. I simply did not believe I would make it through treatment and be able to return to work. That's when my boss (and friend) told me his story, how he too was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. This survivor of ten years gave me the benefits of his experiences. Although I can barely recall the details of our conversation that day, the essence came through and is with me still: I choose my path. I make the decisions for my treatment. I control my life.
It's now two years (and counting!) since this whole thing began and I find that I have to struggle to recall events. Time does heal even the most profoundly moving events. I rely more upon my journals and this blog to confirm that these events did indeed happen to me. My 'souvenirs' of surgery are faint, and these faded scars on my abdomen seem to point to a greater passage of time. Surely it was longer than two years ago they seem to say. My journey's markers are disappearing, like footprints on a sandy beach.
Results matter, and I'm better and I can dream of looking at a future that is marked by a calendar and not a clock. I still try to find that part of the day where I can focus on what it is to be me (hah!) and mostly I find I'm just a boring guy. I don't need to know where I've been, just that I can keep going.
The epilog of my visit was that that my Oncologist is happy with my progress. She only needs to see me once every six months now! The blood tests will still be every three months, and yes I will likely be getting a Colonoscopy next year. File all these under routine, and mark them "BORING". Boring I can live with.
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